Last week, I sent off a full manuscript of Out to the Blue Water: A Memoir to my agent. It is around 121,000 words and it even includes a few sentences that are beautiful. In my training in graduate school to be a sociologist, I was taught to write clearly and to make an argument, supported with evidence and citations, but I was never taught how write a sentence that takes your breath away. I don’t know if I have any of those sentences in this memoir, but I am proud of the writing because it’s the most beautiful I could make it.
I’m proud of the living and surviving the memoir represents, too. I’ve been working on it in earnest since around 2015, which according to my math, is about nine years of doing a draft per year. In fact, I’ve been working on it longer than that. In 1995, my first summer in New York City, I did a summer NEH workshop on autobiography because I had an inkling of an idea about writing a memoir then but I had no creative writing skills. So, I thought I would share some of how I cobbled together a DIY MFA around the margins of my day job as a sociology professor.
READING
Reading is the main thing that will teach you about writing. I’m always surprised by the number of people who want to write but don’t make time for reading.
The truth is, I didn’t know how to read literature or literary memoir until someone taught me. Then, reading hit different because I could understand how the writer put the work together. That shifted things for me and it made reading pay off for me in ways that were more generative for my writing.
Reading has also become self-care for me. I’ve always enjoyed reading but now, at this time with so many screens clamoring for my attention, reading printed books is a way I slow my mind down and recover some of my ability to concentrate and focus. Highly recommend.
CLASSES
These have mostly moved online now, but I've done classes through probably every venue out there, my absolute fave recently shuttered (RIP Catapult). Gotham Writers can be good, but it really depends on the instructor. I recommend a subscription to Poets & Writers magazine, it's around $32 for print and digital, and they have a ton of listings in there. This is probably my main resource for all things writerly.
One online class that I took is run by Marion Roach Smith. Very practical, helpful, warm vibe. She also does book coaching and editing.
WRITING GROUPS
A good writing group can do what many of these other sorts of gatherings (classes, residencies, retreats) can do, but finding the right alchemy among everyone can be challenging. Years ago (maybe 2005?), I joined a writing group organized by Kendall Williams, which was very helpful and I’m still friends with a couple of people from that group. The basic set-up of these is everyone is writing, and at each meeting, we critique each other's writing. In my experience, these work best when everyone is evenly matched on skill-level and stage of project (and emotionally regulated). That also means, they can be hard to sustain over a long time. Workshops can also be spaces with a lot of emotionally dysregulated people working their stuff out through writing and critique, as Viet Thanh Nguyen explains here, so take care of yourself and your art in these environs.
RESIDENCIES
The fancy, hard-to-get-into ones are Yaddo and Hedgebrook. These are competitive so you need a little bit of writing under your belt. Oh, and there's Bellagio...(a dream!), which I've applied to before and not gotten. I may try again someday. These vary widely on whether or not you pay or all expenses are paid. Check the fine print.
The last residency I did (2023) was at Millay Arts, up in the Berkshires, which was rustic and surrounded by nature both friendly (ladybugs!) and fearsome (bears!). Before that (in 2021), I did a retreat in Iceland, at Gullkistan, which was very remote and situated near a natural spring pool. Each day, I would write difficult things and then walk down the hill to the pool and soak it all out. Iceland is magical and I met amazing artists there, a few of whom I’m still friends with. I found this residency through The Write Life which has a bunch of others for you to explore.
RETREATS
There are also lots of writing retreats, which are usually not competitive, but just require a fee (sometimes a hefty fee). The Write Life also has a list of those here.
I've also done DIY writing retreats, as in just rent a place (Airbnb, VRBO, etc.) somewhere beautiful, go there, set a word count goal for writing each day, once I hit that, then I can go out and explore. I did that one year (2015) in Budapest, rented a huge flat for like $750, made myself write at least 1,000/words each morning, then went out and explored after that. I knew one (US-based) couple who lived there, had drinks with them once or twice, but was mostly on my own. I loved it and got a lot done.
The other difference between retreats and residencies is that residencies typically build in some kind of community-based sharing of work, whereas retreats assume that you're working in quiet solitude.
WORKSHOPS
Workshops usually involve a format that's more like a writing group (workshopping other peoples' writing), and often (although not always) include some instruction on craft. These are usually competitive to get into, and expensive, but in my experience worth it, not only for the instruction and workshopping, but for building out networks of people who can introduce you to agents, blurb your book for you when you're at that point, and otherwise help you navigate the publishing world. I've been to two of these, and they both really accelerated my understanding of craft, and introduced me to some people that I will always treasure knowing. These workshops were:
Aspen Summer Words (2016) - where I got to work with Darin Strauss (Half a Life), and met a bunch of other very cool writers. Upsides: I often say that Darin taught me how to read literary memoir for craft, and that has proven invaluable for me. It is a very small gathering in a tiny town, so you end up brushing up against some giant literary luminaries. Every evening there are readings or events at a nearby bar with author panels with some of those luminaries. Very intense, in a good way. Downsides: Aspen is a pain in the ass to get in to and out of by airplane, so expect delays and re-routing to ground transportation; the air is very thin so it's literally hard to breathe; and, there are bears (yes, really).
Tin House Summer Workshop (2018) - where I got to work with Kiese Laymon (Heavy), and also met a bunch of incredibly cool writers. Upsides: I had a full draft done at this point, and applied (and paid extra) to have Kiese read the whole thing, which he did (3 times). He really understood my project, had good critiques, and all that was life-changing. He also introduced me to my agent (a former student of his), and she's been great. He also blurbed my Nice White Ladies book, which still blows me away. The other writers in the workshop were (mostly) fantastic people and we've remained friends. So, I'm grateful for all of that. Downsides: This was an expensive venture for me (around $4,000, all in). The venue was at a college in Portland, Oregon during a heat wave, which was fine for workshopping (in air-conditioned classrooms), but kind of miserable otherwise (an un-air-conditioned dorm room with a plastic mattress and paper sheets), so I was physically uncomfortable pretty much the whole time.
Worth noting: These writing workshops (+ retreats + residencies + publishing as an industry) have traditionally been very white-dominated spaces in terms of instructors, and mostly white-female-students. At Tin House, Kiese and other people were working to change that, so there were a lot of very intense meetings and conversations about the politics of the whole thing. Not so much at Aspen.
I’ll follow this with a post for paid subscribers with a little sneak peak of the opening of the memoir.
Congratulations!!! Can’t wait to read it. And from an aspiring memoirist, thank you so much for sharing your journey.